Questions

Sometimes I feel like I will never fit anywhere! I am too liberal for the Nazarene church. I believe in an emphasis on what God has done for me (Grace) over what I have done for God (Holiness). In the Baptist church I miss the denominational consistency that is not there in an association of churches. I keep wondering, "Who keeps them from going off the deep end with some misguided leader?" But then the denomination surely did not protect First Church, or for that matter, Monrovia.

Then I realize: most people just don’t think about all this stuff. I have to think about these things. I want a church whose beliefs I can support wholeheartedly. How can I possibly work sacrificially when I don’t agree with what the goals are? Where or where are the people like me who think about what they believe, who converse freely and unjudgementally and who can still love and support each other? Does this exist only in heaven or perhaps a few moments of our lifetime here?

All of these questions have me dealing with three fears – and yes I know God has not given us that spirit – but …

One – what kind of example am I when I have no current commitment to a church beyond financial support and worship on Sundays? That is just not who I thought I would be at this time of life. Of course to put anything else in to my life right now I’d have even less time for my children and grandchildren.

Two – How can I be honest about who I am and what I believe without hurting the people in my church? In no way do I want to be a detriment or to undermine. I’ve seen that and I don’t want any part of it.

Three – Will I find that one day because of discouragement and disillusionment I’ll just quit trying to find a place I fit?

Words to the wise – God has taken care of me thus far and he will see me home & I have his will for today. :)

But the questions don’t just go away.

Pondering

The symbol , called "infinity", denotes an unbounded limit.

If you take the symbol of infinity and build a model of it in 3 dimensions, then put a toy train track on it the train will never have to stop. It is the picture of infinity - or eternity – no beginning or ending.

In Jewish thinking 8 is a special day. It is the day after creation – what comes after – it denotes the world after this or the coming of the Messiah to change this world.

Turn the symbol for infinity on it side and what do you get – an 8.

Our 3 dimensional thinking limits our ability to ‘see’ what God’s world is like because his ‘timeline’ includes time as a dimension which is flexible and acts on our 3 dimensions in a way we can barely get our minds to wrap around.

Just as in 2 dimensions ‘infinity’ is nothing more than an 8 on its side.

For several months I have wanted to buy quail and set them free in our yard, so as part of my anniversary gift we bought 25 newly hatched bobwhite quail. I’ve missed seeing quail, and with a pond and half an acre of our lot untamed it seemed like a good place to try and experiment. As my kids will attest, I love doing experiments. They were my first (and best), but now I am reduced to messing with the minds of animals, birds and plants. I’m trying to come up with a way to convince these wild animals not to be afraid of me and train my dog to protect, not pounce on them, once I set them free. I am definitely a better bet for their continued survival than the rottweilers next door or the cats that roam the yard. They, of course, scatter and hide whenever I come near their cage and today I caught Mitzie pouncing on the screen that covers their box. I’m still working on my approach to these issues.

When we first brought them home one could have fit in a ¼ cup with room to spare. Not even two weeks of growth and they are 4 times that size. They have an amazing capacity to eat and the quantity of what they excrete is unbelievable. Michael says I have my own guano factory going in the kitchen.

They are really adorable and incredibly strong. It’s getting tough to hold them – they just push and jump out of my hand. They also can spring straight up about 4 times their height. My favorite trait is the chirping, cooing sound they make. All 24 (we lost one in the mosh pit) together sound like wind in the trees or water on the pond. Of course when they are wet or hungry or hurt the chirping turns to cheeping of an intensity no mother can ignore! I’ve been caught checking up on them in the wee hours of the night.


Soon I will have to let them go. I’m working on ways to bribe them to return, like free food, shelter and heat. I’m not sure what that looks like, yet. I have discovered from friends that there are other people who do this just for the fun of seeing them in the yard. I’m considering adding ring-neck pheasant for next spring. Slowly I’m working up to CHICKENS! And maybe when I retire, mohair goats.