Questions

Sometimes I feel like I will never fit anywhere! I am too liberal for the Nazarene church. I believe in an emphasis on what God has done for me (Grace) over what I have done for God (Holiness). In the Baptist church I miss the denominational consistency that is not there in an association of churches. I keep wondering, "Who keeps them from going off the deep end with some misguided leader?" But then the denomination surely did not protect First Church, or for that matter, Monrovia.

Then I realize: most people just don’t think about all this stuff. I have to think about these things. I want a church whose beliefs I can support wholeheartedly. How can I possibly work sacrificially when I don’t agree with what the goals are? Where or where are the people like me who think about what they believe, who converse freely and unjudgementally and who can still love and support each other? Does this exist only in heaven or perhaps a few moments of our lifetime here?

All of these questions have me dealing with three fears – and yes I know God has not given us that spirit – but …

One – what kind of example am I when I have no current commitment to a church beyond financial support and worship on Sundays? That is just not who I thought I would be at this time of life. Of course to put anything else in to my life right now I’d have even less time for my children and grandchildren.

Two – How can I be honest about who I am and what I believe without hurting the people in my church? In no way do I want to be a detriment or to undermine. I’ve seen that and I don’t want any part of it.

Three – Will I find that one day because of discouragement and disillusionment I’ll just quit trying to find a place I fit?

Words to the wise – God has taken care of me thus far and he will see me home & I have his will for today. :)

But the questions don’t just go away.